God in the News: With a Little Help From My Friends

I know that my frequency of posting has greatly diminished but I have to say that in the interim I really appreciate the fact that people find some crazy stories out there, and send them to me as "perfect blog material." It makes my job easier...so keep sending them in!!

*Transitional Species*

When it comes to God in the News, I suppose I could start with debating Evolution vs. Creation. Evolutionists point to scientific theories backed up by data, geology records, fossil records, etc... Creationists point out that someone wrote down in a book that God created everything. Seems pretty evenly matched so far, right? Well, Creationists also like to punch holes in the theory of evolution with the "fact" that there have been no transitional fossils ever found. Boom! Case closed! I guess maybe we shouldn't have those people look at this website that just names a few of the transitional fossils found, not to mention the many others.

But you say you want more proof? Ok. How about this claim that 3 men found a Bigfoot. That's right, a Sasquatch. A Yetti. A Walking Hairy Dude With Size 19s!

If that's not a transitional species, then I don't know what one is. Ok, it's probably safe to assume that I don't know what one is. What I do know is that this Bigfoot (seen stuffed into a freezer above) supposedly stood at 7'7" tall. Now, I've seen "Teen Wolf" so I know that hairy animals can play basketball...and at over 7 and a half feet in height, B-Dub would easily be a lottery pick for the Memphis Grizzlies.


And if this isn't proof enough for you non-believers, how about taking a closer look at the 3 "men" (seen above) who captured Bigfoot before folding him in half and putting him into a freezer, not even caring about contaminating their Klondike bars and frozen burritos. If you want to tell me that all 3 of these guys are genetically human, you'd better come up with more proof than your word. I've got eyes. And that guy in the middle is definitely a transitional species between plant and man. Not to mention that the guy on the left looks like some kind of cyborg with a robotic arm, and the guy on the right seems to have swallowed a tin pie pan.

You want more? Fine. I give you the Malaysian pen-tailed tree shrew. These little animals survive on a diet that is basically 100% beer! They drink the "fermented nectar of the flower buds of the bertam palm plant", which can reach up to 3.8% alcohol content. According to the article, they could drink any fratboy under the table. However, I happen to know a few fratboys that would beg to challenge that. They'd want to go head-to-head with this little tree-hugger (literally, it hugs trees to survive in the trees of Malaysia). So you tell me who is smarter? The still-sober tree shrew, or a Kappa Phi Beta who just did 4 kegstands and is nude on the front porch of his frat house while taunting a squirrel for not being able to hold its liquor?

Not a fair comparison, you say? Ok. How about one of the scientists studying this fascinating animal: Marc-André Lachance, a microbiologist at the University of Western Ontario. He speaks of the Bertam Palm Plant that the tree shrew drinks from and describes it as such:

"This plant in that part of Malaysia is quite widespread," Lachance said. "It's a very spiny, very uninviting plant. The lower buds from which the alcohol comes out are very sharp. You can easily hurt yourself on them. I speak from experience."

He speaks from EXPERIENCE?! So in hopes of getting his drink on in Malaysia, this research scientist lowered himself to the ground in the woods, leaned his head inside of a "very spiny, very uninviting plant" and tried to suck out nectar with the equivelant alcohol content of a bottle of Miller High Life? Ok, who's smarter? At least the tree shrew has the excuse of not having thumbs to open the bottle.

I offer up all of the above as evidence of transitional species: The tree shrew will one day evolve into students at the University of Southern Illinois....and the fratboys -- along with scientist Marc-André Lachance -- are not quite human yet. I'd say at least a step or two behind the furry, drunk Malaysian tree dweller.

*My Faith Is A Rock*

Keeping with the theme of God in the News, I've got to give it up to the people who want to emulate the disciple Peter. He's known as The Rock -- the original one, not the wrestler/actor. Matthew 16:18 states: "[Jesus said,] 'And I tell you that you are Peter, and on this rock I will build my church, and the gates of Hell will not overcome it.'"

What a strong, bold statement. The Church is a rock. It's a foundation, and not even the gates of Hell will overcome it. Inspiring words...so much so that the Roman Catholic Church in Italy has decided to follow its parishoners on their holidays so they can preach to them on the beaches from inflatable churches.

"Catholic nuns and priests in Italy are following their flocks to the beach this summer, establishing an inflatable church and a beach-convent in the sands to lure sunbathers.
The 30-metre (98 ft) long blow-up church -- staffed by priests ready to take confession -- will debut on Saturday on the Adriatic coast in the Molise region, an organizer said."

It's just what every beach-goer wants: to get drunk, swim in the Adriatic Sea, sunbathe nude...and then, completely sunburned, stumble over to something that they think is a giant jumpy house and end up in confession with a priest wearing an inflatable, blow-up samurai body.

So not even the Gates of Hell can overcome the Church...but apparently a safety pin can. And in case of a water landing, your local Church can also be used as a flotation device.

**A Little Bit of Prager On My Mind...**

So if the idea of a blow-up Church actually shakes your faith, rather than strengthens it, who are you going to look to in order to restore it? I always turn to my own personal rock of sound reasoning, Dennis Prager. I hate to keep singaling out our Conservative friend here, but he makes it so easy...

I give you one of his latest columns "If There Is No God" in which he makes 14 "points" as to why there being the existence of God is better than not having Him exist.

1 - Without God there is no good and evil; there are only subjective opinions that we then label "good" and "evil."

Wow. Excellent "point". If it wasn't written on a stone tablet, brought down from a mountain, how would we know what was right or wrong? How would we possibly know that charity is good? In fact, murder and theft might just be fun hobbies if there wasn't a God.

2 - Without God, there is no objective meaning to life. We are all merely random creations of natural selection whose existence has no more intrinsic purpose or meaning than that of a pebble equally randomly produced.

Sheesh...I had no idea that if God didn't exist my life would only have the same purpose as a pebble. Kind of bleak when you think about it. Because being a random creature, evolved over millions of years is a horrible way to look at things isn't it? Every great step forward that humans have made has all been in vain. We should stop studying the past to learn where we came from and for crying out loud, stop trying to be happy and make a better future for those that come after us.

3 - Life is ultimately a tragic fare if there is no God. We live, we suffer, we die -- some horrifically, many prematurely -- and there is only oblivion afterward.

So true. If there's no God, then obviously the life we live can't include some happiness and joy as well. And those people that died peacefully or heroically: what a waste!!

4 - Human beings need instruction manuals.

Doesn't it say as much in the Bible? I'm paraphrasing here, but isn't there a passage in Genesis that says "And God created man. Some assembly required and there's an instruction manual printed in six languages taped to his back. For ages 3+. And it was good."

5- If there is no God, the kindest and most innocent victims of torture and murder have no better a fate after death than do the most cruel torturers and mass murderers. Only if there is a good God do Mother Teresa and Adolf Hitler have different fates.

Ahhh....one of my favorites. There must be a God. Why? Because it makes me feel better about tragedies. Because if there's no God, then Mother Teresa and Adolf Hitler will both be written about in fairy tales, sipping tea together on a sunny afternoon in the park. No one can tell the difference in their two lives without the existence of God. I know I can't. Did Mother Teresa have a mustache?

6 - With the death of Judeo-Christian values in the West, many Westerners believe in little. That is why secular Western Europe has been unwilling and therefore unable to confront evil, whether it was Communism during the Cold War or Islamic totalitarians in its midst today.

Yeah, that whole World War that took place on the ground in Europe, killing hundreds of millions of people really was a waste of time. No one believes it did any good. With a good God in existence we need to invade more countries. That ought to show that that God not only exists but that He's on our side.

7 - Without God, people in the West often become less, not more, rational.

Why can't we all just be rational? Without God, I guess people would actually want proof that something happened, rather than just believing it. Of all the nerve...Why can't they just believe in rational ideas like the fact that Jonah lived inside the mouth of a fish for 3 days?

8 - If there is no God, the human being has no free will. He is a robot, whose every action is dictated by genes and environment.

I guess he's right. Nothing I do is by choice. Without God, I should just be able to walk into a Red Lobster, strip naked and jump into the tank with the lobsters. Since I know that their claws are banded I'll be safe. So then I'll just get out, grab myself a tasty crustacean and walk back out to my car. If the cops ask me why I did it, all I have to say is that it was in my genes. I had no choice. So there must be a God, because I've chosen not to do that in my life......yet!

9 - If there is no God, humans and "other" animals are of equal value.

a) I'm glad he italicized "other" because I wouldn't have known what he "meant" by "animals" if he didn't.
b) He did forget pebbles this time. If there's no God, then humans and "other" animals and pebbles are all of equal value. That makes sense.

10 - Without God, there is little to inspire people to create inspiring art.

How true. I mean look at the Beijing Olympics for example. On the whole, China doesn't condone religion...and look at all the crappy ideas the Chinese had in mind for the 2008 Olympic Games:



What a total lack of inspiration...

...And, well, there are actually 4 more "points" that Prager makes, but they seem more like ramblings than points. But I'm glad that we can always rely on him to continually make such strong arguments. That's why I "respect" him so "much".