There Is Nothing To Fear But Barack Obama

With only a week to go until the General Election I'm hearing a lot of worry that Barack Obama will win the U.S. Presidency. According to many, if he wins the election the effects on this country would be truly terrifying. I've made a list of the top 10 concerns that I've run across, showing us what we should be afraid of in President Obama's first term. Fair warning: it's horrible.

#1) Barack Obama is a Muslim and the U.S. Constitution will immediately be translated into Arabic once he takes office. Our currency will be changed to say "In Allah We Trust". Christianity will be banned.

#2) Since Barack Obama is a Muslim terrorist, and is supported by them as well, he will appoint his fellow terrorists to his cabinet. Osama bin Laden will be the new Secretary of State. The prisoners being held at Guantanamo Bay in Cuba will be released and become Washington lobbyists for the Pro-Suicide Bombing movement.

#3) President Obama will sit down with Iran's Mahmoud Achmedinejad and together they'll figure out which countries -- along with Israel, of course -- to wipe off the map. Obama will trade nuclear weapons with Iran, in return for a new finely-woven prayer rug.

#4) The troops from Iraq will be brought home immediately in defeat. But as their transport planes land in the States, the terrorists will be landing behind them, following them home to fight us here. The initial battles will take place at Baggage Claim.

#5) We will not be able to protect ourselves from these terrorists because Obama will pass laws to take away all of our guns. In fact, it will be illegal to possess any type of weapon at all, including knives and sharp sticks. The new social-issue question of our time will be how to define the word "sharp" as people will differ on its ambiguous meaning.

#6) Abortion will not only remain legal, but it will become mandatory. Every woman shall be required to have at least one abortion or be subject to pay a fine. In fact, tax credits will be offered for multiple abortions. The question of "When does life actually begin?" will be answered once and for all: 6 months after birth. This will now be the legal timeline of when a child can be aborted.

#7) Teachers in the inner-cities will now be paid $240,000/year, falling just below the next tax bracket. All of the good teachers will move to the inner-cities, providing quality education to the poor and minority children. These inner-city children will begin making the highest test scores, and the suburban white children will be left behind with inadequate teachers. The suburban parents will complain that it is unfair.

#8) Reparations for slavery will begin slowly, but immediately. Once a week, for 10 minutes, black students will be allowed to beat the crap out of white students.

#9) The tax on businesses making $250,000/year or more will be raised to 80%, inspiring business owners to work less hours and provide fewer services, so as not to be so successful. The tax money will be used to pay $65,000/year to the 40% of Americans who are lazy and unemployed -- they will not be taxed on this income, continuing their time-honored tradition of not paying federal taxes.

#10) All plumbers will actually have to become licensed to plumb legally, let alone buy a plumbing business, completely screwing Joe.