In honor of the annual fishing trip that I went on this past weekend with my Dad and brother-in-law, I felt it was about time to jump into the sports scene....of sorts.
FISHING: A Sport?
Well, I still doubt very much that fishing can be considered a sport. In my opinion, if you cannot televise an event live then it isn't a sport. (And while I hardly consider NASCAR to be a sport either, I at least admit that I can't drive 180 miles per hour without crashing, dying and crapping my pants - not even remotely in that order.) But with fishing, let me give you a visual of our "sport": Imagine watching 3 grown men, each in their own rowboat on a small lake (Waubee Lake) in northern Wisconsin. Loud curses soar across the water as one of them gets stuck with a hook while trying to put a minnow on the line as bait. Explatives echo as the wind rips into us, tangling lines and carrying one of the boats to wash up on shore. At one point someone stands up and pees into the lake, actually holding a net at the same time just in case a fish swims up to investigate. Yeah, when ESPN starts broadcasting their live coverage of that, let me know and I'm in! But until then it's not a sport.
After all was said and done though, we caught our fair share of fish and let almost all of them go back into the lake. Butch (my brother-in-law) decided to keep a very nice 18-inch small mouth bass and take it to the taxidermist. However, I'm doubting that my suggestion that after mounting it on a plaque, he should also insert a music box so that it can sing "Lay Lady Lay" will be taken into consideration.
After a full day of fishing on Saturday we walked down to the Supper Club. Now, I have no idea what a Supper Club actually is, but I had a vague preconception that it meant restaurant and bar rather than just a mis-spelling of Super Club. However, this Supper Club had just lost their liquor license (which, I believe, is a felony in WI) so we were told to bring in our own alcohol disguised in other beverage holders: Beer in a Pepsi can, vodka with a mustache, etc. Without a liquor license business was slow on a Saturday night especially considering the University of Wisconsin football game was on, which brings me to...
COLLEGE FOOTBALL: Get a Grip!
I guess this is more of a jibe against some sports fans in general, but it seems fitting since I almost got my ass kicked at a Supper Club: some people take their sports teams wayyyyyy too seriously! I learned that you're not supposed to say anything derogatory against a team even if they're ranked #5 in the nation - as Wisconsin's football team was - and losing late in the 4th quarter to UNLV (not a good team). And when I mentioned that I went to Kansas that only imflamed matters.
Shoes: "Oh, I went to Kansas, so don't worry because our football team sucks every year."
Drunk WI fan: "Oh hey! Maybe we can turn on the Kansas game right now! Where's the Kansas game?! Oh, that's right: they're not on!!"
Shoes: "Well, Kansas actually played earlier this afternoon and won. But if you heard me, I just got done saying that our football team sucks and is never very good."
DWI F: "That's right!"
Shoes: "Ummm right."
DWI F: "Yeah see! You still just hang your hat on 1988 when they won their basketball championship, right? You loser! Kansas sucks!"
Shoes: "I thought we were talking about football. But I'll take my four Final Four's since 1988 as a success too. Our basketball team is good every year. But it's late in the 4th quarter and your #5 Wisconsin team is losing to a sh*tty UNLV team, that's all I'm saying."
DWI F: "Yeah see! We're #5 and where is Kansas?! They suck! See?!"
Shoes: "Ummm, no I don't."
Apparently I should have though. Dealing with drunk fans who cannot hold lucid conversations should be a clear sign to not push things. So when Wisconsin finally scored late in the game to take the lead over UNLV, I probably shouldn't have started to chant the Rock Chalk Jayhawk....but alas, I did. When Drunk WI Fan turned to me and pointed a finger saying, "That's - not - funny!" I shouldn't have said "It's a liiiitle funny."
Somehow I walked out of the Supper Club unscathed and un-thrown-in-the-lake. Unfortunately, some fans haven't been as lucky as me in the past. Like a 32-year old fan who was nearly castrated in a fight for wearing a Texas t-shirt into an Oklahoma fan-based bar.
Well, I still doubt very much that fishing can be considered a sport. In my opinion, if you cannot televise an event live then it isn't a sport. (And while I hardly consider NASCAR to be a sport either, I at least admit that I can't drive 180 miles per hour without crashing, dying and crapping my pants - not even remotely in that order.) But with fishing, let me give you a visual of our "sport": Imagine watching 3 grown men, each in their own rowboat on a small lake (Waubee Lake) in northern Wisconsin. Loud curses soar across the water as one of them gets stuck with a hook while trying to put a minnow on the line as bait. Explatives echo as the wind rips into us, tangling lines and carrying one of the boats to wash up on shore. At one point someone stands up and pees into the lake, actually holding a net at the same time just in case a fish swims up to investigate. Yeah, when ESPN starts broadcasting their live coverage of that, let me know and I'm in! But until then it's not a sport.
After all was said and done though, we caught our fair share of fish and let almost all of them go back into the lake. Butch (my brother-in-law) decided to keep a very nice 18-inch small mouth bass and take it to the taxidermist. However, I'm doubting that my suggestion that after mounting it on a plaque, he should also insert a music box so that it can sing "Lay Lady Lay" will be taken into consideration.
After a full day of fishing on Saturday we walked down to the Supper Club. Now, I have no idea what a Supper Club actually is, but I had a vague preconception that it meant restaurant and bar rather than just a mis-spelling of Super Club. However, this Supper Club had just lost their liquor license (which, I believe, is a felony in WI) so we were told to bring in our own alcohol disguised in other beverage holders: Beer in a Pepsi can, vodka with a mustache, etc. Without a liquor license business was slow on a Saturday night especially considering the University of Wisconsin football game was on, which brings me to...
COLLEGE FOOTBALL: Get a Grip!
I guess this is more of a jibe against some sports fans in general, but it seems fitting since I almost got my ass kicked at a Supper Club: some people take their sports teams wayyyyyy too seriously! I learned that you're not supposed to say anything derogatory against a team even if they're ranked #5 in the nation - as Wisconsin's football team was - and losing late in the 4th quarter to UNLV (not a good team). And when I mentioned that I went to Kansas that only imflamed matters.
Shoes: "Oh, I went to Kansas, so don't worry because our football team sucks every year."
Drunk WI fan: "Oh hey! Maybe we can turn on the Kansas game right now! Where's the Kansas game?! Oh, that's right: they're not on!!"
Shoes: "Well, Kansas actually played earlier this afternoon and won. But if you heard me, I just got done saying that our football team sucks and is never very good."
DWI F: "That's right!"
Shoes: "Ummm right."
DWI F: "Yeah see! You still just hang your hat on 1988 when they won their basketball championship, right? You loser! Kansas sucks!"
Shoes: "I thought we were talking about football. But I'll take my four Final Four's since 1988 as a success too. Our basketball team is good every year. But it's late in the 4th quarter and your #5 Wisconsin team is losing to a sh*tty UNLV team, that's all I'm saying."
DWI F: "Yeah see! We're #5 and where is Kansas?! They suck! See?!"
Shoes: "Ummm, no I don't."
Apparently I should have though. Dealing with drunk fans who cannot hold lucid conversations should be a clear sign to not push things. So when Wisconsin finally scored late in the game to take the lead over UNLV, I probably shouldn't have started to chant the Rock Chalk Jayhawk....but alas, I did. When Drunk WI Fan turned to me and pointed a finger saying, "That's - not - funny!" I shouldn't have said "It's a liiiitle funny."
Somehow I walked out of the Supper Club unscathed and un-thrown-in-the-lake. Unfortunately, some fans haven't been as lucky as me in the past. Like a 32-year old fan who was nearly castrated in a fight for wearing a Texas t-shirt into an Oklahoma fan-based bar.
According to police, 32-year-old Texas fan Brian Christopher Thomas walked into Henry Hudson's Pub on June 17 wearing a Longhorns T-shirt and quickly became the focus of football "trash talk" from another regular, 53-year-old Oklahoma fan Allen Michael Beckett.
Thomas told police that when he decided to leave and went to the bar to pay his tab, Beckett grabbed him in the crotch, pulled him to the ground and wouldn't let go, even as bar patrons tried to break it up. When the two men were separated, Thomas looked down and realized the extent of his injuries.
"He could see both of his testicles hanging on the outside of his body," said Thomas' attorney, Carl Hughes. "He was wearing a pair of white shorts, which made it that much worse."
Whoa!! Hey now!! It's just a game fellars! Normally I'd tell them to get a grip, but now even that isn't a safe thing to say. It just goes to show that until you've built up a fan base that will rip another man's balls off in team spirit then it's just not a real sport. So I'm sorry fishing: not quite yet. (By these standards however, soccer qualifies with ease.)
1 comment:
My boyfriend is a psychotic sports maniac (want proof? I send you a picture of the 5 foot high 7 foot wide ESPN banner that currently hangs on our living room wall surrounded by a million other sports banners), but I don't think he'd fight over it. I think that's really just for the drunken idiots of the world.
As far as the wonderful world of fishing...well, not a sport. But still kinda fun...in it's own silly kind of way. Maybe I'm just upset at the fact that last month when I went fishing I only caught seaweed. Whatever.
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