Shoes' Funnies, Chapter 1: Ninjas, Desert and Kubrick

Bananas Foster: On Special at Denny's

********************************************

Contrary to popular belief, the world isn't really a strange place. It's the people living in the world that are strange. While I've never been one to believe that "normal" is the best way to go thru life, there always seems to be certain individuals who push the limits and just do some crazy sh*t that doesn't make sense....or maybe it does???

NINJAS!

If you're down on your luck, can't find a job and just need to pay the bills somehow, you might think of turning to crime. It's not pretty, recommended or even legal, but baby's gotta eat. So, you need to play to your skillz at this point. That's why two females in Kentucky robbed a gas station...dressed as ninjas!

If these girls are real ninjas then this might not even be the whole story. There were probably 10-20 other ninjas on the scene that weren't caught by the security camera, because we all know that ninjas are quick and stealthy. What we didn't know is that apparently ninjas also are chain-smokers and fans of Bingo, since what they stole were cigarettes and lottery tickets.

At first I didn't know how to feel about this whole story. So I decided to Ask a Ninja...and while this clip doesn't tell us anything about the gas station ninja-thieves, it does give us a glimpse into a ninja's relationship with physics (and is pretty damn funny for the first 1:35 of the clip):

"I need to hang up here longer than the 'theory of gravity' wants me to."

************************

I guess it just makes you wonder whether ninjas are more prevalent in the world than we believe. I mean, they could be killing people all over the place and we wouldn't ever suspect ninjas. Aren't they known for cutting off people's limbs with their swords? If so, then how can we be sure that the man who found a human leg in a smoker that he bought at an auction wasn't the work of ninjas? OK, I'm not even going to get into the question of who buys a smoker at an auction. ("Do-I-hear-twenty-twenty-twenty-dollars-it's-a-real-fine-smoker-I-got-twenty-dollars-do-I-hear-twenty-five-anyone-twenty-five-folks-we'll-even-throw-in-a-human-leg-for-free-ok-I-got-twenty-five-do-I-hear-thirty?") But you buy your smoker, bring it home, set it up in the backyard and prepare to have over a few friends... and then you open up the lid to find a human leg inside of it? "Ummm, honey, when I asked if you wanted a breast or a thigh, you could have just told me what you wanted..."

WHO'S UP FOR DESERT?

And speaking of cooking something up, I hope that those female ninjas actually hit the jackpot on one of those scratch-and-win lottery tickets that they stole. Because they're definitely going to need the cash if they want to have desert in Sri Lanka. The Fortress, a local Sri Lankan resort, has created a dish called "The Fortress Stilt Fisherman Indulgence" which they are touting as the world's most expensive desert. For the small price of $14,500.00 they say:

"The dessert is a gold leaf Italian cassata flavored with Irish cream, served with a mango and pomegranate compote and a champagne sabayon enlighten. [It] is decorated with a chocolate carving of a fisherman clinging to a stilt, an age old local fishing practice, and an 80 carat aquamarine stone."

I guess that the point of the desert is distraction. This way you can stare at a chocolate figure of an old guy fishing on stilts, and wonder why you just spent $14,500.00 on it, rather than continually asking yourself the more important question of "What the hell am I doing in Sri Lanka?!" And while they haven't actually sold one of these deserts yet, I hear that the bananas foster is delicious for $7.25.

As with everything, it all comes down to marketing. You can sell (or at least try to sell) anything in this world if you know how to market it - even an ungodly-priced desert. It's all in how you present it. Which brings me to one of the funniest clips on the internet I've ever seen. The power of editing can do wonders if you've ever thought of re-releasing Stanley Kubrick's film "The Shining" and this time marketing it as the Feel Good Movie of the Year!! Enjoy: